


When you say it like that it just sounds stupid

by CrimsonCreature



Category: Home Alone (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonCreature/pseuds/CrimsonCreature
Summary: Stakeouts were boring. Stakeouts were super boring but they were as much a part of Clint’s job as taking care of his equipment, beating up bad guys and annoying agent Coulson....Clint Barton stakes out bad guys and Kevin McCallister is trying to find and old friend. They feed pigeons and somehow end up fighting bad guys together. It's a thing.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 47





	When you say it like that it just sounds stupid

Stakeouts were boring. Stakeouts were super boring but they were as much a part of Clint’s job as taking care of his equipment, beating up bad guys and annoying agent Coulson.  
  
This one though, this one was especially boring. He’s been up on the roof for hours and the most exciting thing that happened was a fight between two pigeons for the remains of Clint’s lunch. Pigeons take leftover fries very seriously.  
  
Meanwhile, the bad guys in the apartment Clint was stalking spent those hours eating take out and watching a game. When the game ended, they smoothly transitioned to playing video games. The game was abysmal and their gaming skills even more so. Clint was bored out of his skull and he had nothing to show for hours of sitting out in the cold December wind – the leader of those guys hasn’t even showed up today. Clint was almost ready to call it a day when the door behind him banged open and a man in a green jacket and a knit blue hat stepped out, his eyes instantly zeroing on Clint and his things neatly arranged around him.  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this roof was already occupied,” said the stranger.  
  
Clint spent a few seconds trying to come up with an innocent reason why he would be on a roof in December surrounded by what amounted to a professional spying equipment and an open bow case, but then he noticed the pair of expensive-looking binoculars in the other guy’s hand and suddenly had a few questions of his own.  
  
“There’s enough room for the both of us,” he said before he could think better of it – which probably wasn’t going to happen anyway.  
  
The guy smiled and went to sit down near the edge with only the slightest hesitation. Clint couldn’t not notice that the guy’s left hand stayed inside his pocket and he moved in a casual manner which screamed that it wasn’t casual at all, if you knew how to look for those kinds of things.  
  
The guy made himself comfortable in his spot and began looking through his binoculars – not at the apartment that Clint was watching, but a couple floors lower. “Any luck so far?” the guy asked casually, not turning to look Clint’s way.  
  
“You’re not going to ask why I’m very obviously stalking somebody from a rooftop?” asked Clint, a little baffled.  
  
“Not if you’re not going to ask why I am,” shrugged the guy and took his left hand out of his pocket. He extended it to Clint, holding a small packet. “Gum?”  
  
Clint took one, not even thinking about it.  
  
“Besides, I know who you are, I saw you on the news. The bow is a big giveaway. I suppose you’re watching some bad guys over there,” the guy gestured to the apartment building.  
  
“Got it in one,” said Clint. “But I feel, as – let’s say – a superhero, I should probably ask what innocent person you are watching right now. Since I’m supposed to be serving and protecting or whatever.”  
  
“I’m looking for a pigeon lady,” the guy replied as if that was a perfectly reasonable answer.  
  
“A pigeon lady?” Clint asked incredulously. What was that supposed to mean?  
  
“An old friend,” the guy added. “I haven’t seen her in years and wanted to know how she was doing.”  
  
Clint just stared at him, completely forgetting to watch his bad guys for a while. When he returned to it, he kept sneaking glances at his companion. “Could have just gone there and knocked. Most people do that.”  
  
“Yeah, I would if I thought she was in a bad situation. But if she’s good, I don’t want to make things awkward.”  
  
“This isn’t awkward?” Clint felt compelled to ask.  
  
“Not if you don’t tell her,” the guy smirked, put down his backpack and took out a pack of cookies. He crumbled one up and thrown the crumbs on the ground for the two pigeons still on the roof. “But since you’ve asked me, I think I should ask as well – who are you watching?”  
  
Clint debated inside his head whether to answer but then thought what the hell, this was already weird enough. If things went wrong he was mostly sure that he could take this guy. Mostly. There was something weird about him.  
  
“I’m investigating a human trafficking ring. At least, I suspect that those guys,” he gestured across the alley “are a part of it and I was hoping to see something I could use today. No luck so far,” he explained.  
  
The guy just nodded as if he already assumed something like that. He lifted his binoculars to Clint’s apartment and watched for half a minute. “I know that guy in the red shirt. He sometimes shakes down small shop owners a few blocks down. Comes with a buff guy with a neck tattoo.”  
  
“The one with the crooked nose like he got punched a few times? He was there earlier,” Clint said, surprised.  
  
“Yes, that’s the one. He doesn’t like me much.”  
  
“You’re a weird guy,” says Clint.  
  
“I guess so,” was the casual reply. A moment of hesitation and then: “I’m Kevin.”  
  
“Clint,” they shook hands and stared at each other for a bit. Then they sprang to their feet at the same time when the roof door opened with a bang again.  
  
It revealed an enormous guy with a tattoo of a naked woman on his neck and a crooked nose. When the guy saw Kevin, he roared: “You!”  
  
“Yep, he doesn’t like me at all,” said Kevin and sprang to the side when the guy rushed at him.  
  
Clint went to throw himself at the new arrival when Kevin sidestepped a punch from the bad guy and neatly tripped him. The guy fell down with thud and got pepper sprayed in the eyes the next second. He howled in pain.  
  
“Oops, that’s not good,” said Kevin and jumped to take a hold of the guy’s flailing hands. “Got anything to take him out? He’s going to bring down the whole neighborhood on us.”  
  
Clint wasted a few precious seconds to feel weirded out and then popped a tranquilizer arrowhead from his quiver and stabbed the bad guy in the neck with it. He was out in no time – the tranq was designed for bigger leagues than this. He should be fine in a few hours though.  
  
Kevin proceeded to tie the guy’s hands together with a length of wire he produced from… somewhere. How many things did the guy have on him? Then he stepped over him, cool as a cucumber, and lifted his binoculars to his eyes again.  
  
“Your bad guys are gone. If they know where he went they’ll be here in about three minutes,” he said casually and put the binoculars in his backpack. “We better leave if you don’t want to take them all on now.”  
  
Clint felt that as a superhero and one of the best SHIELD field agents, he should be the one to take the lead in this situation, but Kevin was right and so he thought it unnecessary to make an issue of it. He packed his equipment in record time and thrust his bow case into Kevin’s hands. “I’ll take the guy.”  
  
“Why?” asked Kevin even as he made way to the door.  
  
“He saw us both and anyway, he might know something. Might as well interrogate him when he wakes up. Lead the way.”  
  
They got into the building and made their way to the elevator.  
  
“Put him in there and send him down. We can pick him up there,” said Kevin.  
  
“What for? Let’s just take the elevator down with him,” said Clint, pushing the button to summon it.  
  
“I don’t want to get stuck in a metal box in case his friends make it here before we’re gone. You never know what you’re walking out into.”  
  
“What if they find him in the elevator?”  
  
“Then we just take him back, I don’t know, I don’t exactly have time for an elaborate plan right now,” Kevin huffed as they made their way down the stairs at record speed.  
“Fair enough,” said Clint, taking it a few stairs at a time.  
  
They were almost down by the time they ran into the bad guys. There were four of them and they seemed to have found their buddy in the elevator. They dragged him out and one of them was slapping his face to wake him up when Clint and Kevin ran out of the staircase access door.  
  
“Hey bad guys,” said Clint and kicked the nearest one in the gut. He double over and fell down when his face connected with Clint’s knee.  
  
Kevin ripped a fire extinguisher from its stand in the corner and sprayed another guy in the face with it, momentarily blinding him. He sent him crashing through the staircase door and swing it shut behind him. Meanwhile Clint took another guy down with an uppercut and took his bow case from where Kevin dropped it when he went for the fire extinguisher. He threw it into the face of the fourth guy who was just rounding up on him and he went down instantly.  
  
“I have some more of that wire if you want,” Kevin said as he came back to him.  
  
“I don’t think there’s time for that. There were more guys than this in the apartment and they’re probably on their way right now. Come on,” Clint made quick way to the unconscious guy and hefted him on his back. “Take my case, I have a car nearby.”  
  
They exited the building before any of the guys got the chance to get up, most of them groaning on the floor. They ran around the corner to Clint’s car and threw the guy into the back seat just as more of his buddies appeared behind them. Clint jumped into the car and hightailed it onto the road as soon as Kevin closed his door. They drove for a few blocks before Clint sighed and looked at the guy in the back seat and then at his companion.  
  
“So. That was a minor fuckup.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea in my head for a few years but never got around to actually writing it. I hope someone enjoys this :D  
> Happy holidays!


End file.
